This afternoon, I drove to Edmond. Heading there to spend the night with my dear friends, Kermit and Taprina Milburn. I had planned this earlier. But, with yesterday's events, I started to "back out". Mark encouraged me to go. He knew that being with Taprina would be like "medicine to my soul"....
As the mother of four...quiet times are few and far between. The timing was perfect. I had a great conversation with the Lord, as I drove here.
Yesterday was awful. The enemy knew right where to punch me in the "gut" of my past. As I mentioned, it is not surprising. My life is forever changed. I share my faith. My hope. My story. ....Every time that I feel that God leads me. I tell everyone that I "love" them. I hug. I affirm. I try to treat people as I wish to be treated. While, some people make that difficult...I still do it. I tell the truth of life. I am exposed. I am flawed. Fallible.
Yet, I am redeemed.
I've said this before... I never want anyone that is around me, to walk away feeling unloved. Silently struggling. Secretly burdened. Mired by shame.
This makes me a target.
Because, of my willingness to be raw. Rare. Real. Some people do not know how to take me. I get that. Because of my gifts. The doors are open for jealousy. Because of my heart for the lost. The enemy seeks to devour me.
I'm just a girl that needs to tell the truth. It took me 42 years to get here. And, I won't stop now.
I'm not beautiful. But, I am not ugly...I'm not the best at anything. But, I am good at a lot of things.
And, I am willing. Willing to grow. Teachable. Desirous to be right with God. Knowing that I will never attain it. But, always striving. Daily. Sometimes, minute to minute.
I am eternally grateful to my family. To precious friends. Without them, I do not know what I would have done yesterday. They know who they are....
Tonight my dear friend, made a gourmet meal. With homemade ice cream! Then, we went on a very long walk. (My shins are feeling it!) We also watched some old, "Carol Burnett" reruns! So fun!
Deep. Tender. True. That's who "Tapi" has always been to me. Mark was right. I needed this....
I shared with her my latest "chapter". We cried. But, what stands out to me tonight is this.... While, I get all stuck in the "muck" of my past, Taprina said that she has always loved me. The old me. The in-between. And, the new.
I really love me, too. When, "stuff" happens, I start to listen to the old "voices". The ones that tell me I am ugly. Wretched. That people will talk about me behind my back. Surprising people. People that know better. The truth is... They will. I cannot stop that.
But, I choose to listen to the right voice. The one that tells me I am His. I am beautiful. Clean. New.
I will be sharing this "chapter". Soon. Need a prayer covering. The right words.
But, right now...as my Pastor has encouraged me to do...I have to "get my "A" game on"! There must be someone that really needs me this week, at Falls Creek, ..'cause yesterday I just wanted to "throw in the towel'. Take that, you ol' devil! I'm "in this game"! And, I know Who wins.....
Blessings and Love!