New Beginnings!

         (I want to apologize  for the print. And, the "white" is too bright! Transferring the Facebook "notes" to the blog got messy. The rest of  my posts are cleaned up and easier to read. Bear with me!)


       It's a first! I am sitting here perplexed at the notion, that I have no idea how to start my blog! Yes, me, with no words! Ha! Well, here it goes...

     Last September, with Zach's insistence, I joined Facebook. It was actually a difficult decision to make. Several friends had sent Mark emails asking for my "friendship" over the last couple of years. But, I had been in no place to open any doors to restore, rekindle or reconnect to anyone. Thankfully, I did. And, I must say that sharing my journey has been a huge part of my continuing recovery. My prayer is that through Facebook to Blog, will lead to my book. We shall see. I had lost my "voice" for many years. Now, as it is coming back, I have a new purpose. Helping people be set free from oppression, depression, and addictions. Giving encouragement. Hoping no one in my sphere of influence ever feels lost or lonely. Hopeless or unloved.

      I received about 40 blog title suggestions. They were ALL wonderful! It will come as no surprise, to some, that my dear friend, Carol, helped me with this one. Why, "This Perfect Mess"? Well, as you join me in learning about my story, it will become quite clear that I made plenty of messes! I chose wrong paths. Made bad decisions. Sinned. While, there were many things that were done to me. I have taken full responsibility for my actions, and in some cases, inactions. I am an open book. I make no apologies for being so transparent. It works for me. And, trust me, people are starving for authenticity. Just someone that will be REAL! No masks. Just ordinary folks striving to be better people. I am one. The title is to be open and inviting to anyone! It is obvious that I am a Believer in Jesus Christ! And, by His love and grace, I am alive today! But, I want to be inviting to anyone that is struggling. Thus, a title that is humble and will open the possibility, to touch someone that might not be drawn to a something overtly, Christian. My words will always speak to God's love, healing and redemption. But, I pray that through this opportunity to share, my overflow will increase. People's lives will be touched. And I pray, changed.

      I am attaching my only Facebook "Notes". They explain a little bit. Looking forward to sharing with you as God leads. I am a mother of four active and godly kids. A wife to a precious and godly man. I am deeply committed to them all. But, my deepest commitment is to God. To Jesus Christ. He truly redeemed my life from a dark and hellish pit. We are very active in our church home at South Tulsa Baptist. This group of believers have been a huge part of my families life and our restoration. I am also homeschooling my youngest, Lexi. I recently gave up a part-time job to focus more on her. With that said, I look to write on here once or twice a month. I pray that you will be blessed. Share me with anyone! I say this all of the time: "If anyone can learn something from this crazy life that I have lived, then it was worth it!

 

 

2009.....A year, I remember!



I am in awe as I think back on ALL that God has done in my life and in the life of my family. These past few years have been difficult, at best, for all of us. My "story" is WAY to long, but I would just like to share a small slice of it with you. Several years ago, Mark and I went through some very difficult things. We were profoundly hurt. But, we handled it quite differently. Mark turned to the Lord and I did not. I chose bitterness and confusion which led to illness, self-medicating and isolation. Mark did the best he could with a job and four kids. He kept them in church while I turned my back. In February of '08 I almost lost my life. My family did an "intervention" and my brother, Matt, flew me to a treatment center where I stayed for three and a half months. When I came home last year I was still struggling. I had let the enemy steal my life for so long that it was not as easy to just "go back to church"! I was truly desperate! I began to force myself to go to church every time the doors opened. My way was not working, so I went and fell on my knees and cried out for His help.I have come to understand that, although I have always believed in God, I have never truly trusted Him. Earlier this year I had the privilege of being Baptized with my two youngest, Luke and Lexi. It has become clear to me that while I have been faithful to presenting my "package", I never really gave much thought to what was "inside". I have an AMAZING husband! (those that know everything are saying "AMEN") BUT, he is not perfect...just sayin'! And, my children! Certainly, they were skiddish upon my arrival home. But, I have received nothing but respect and trust from them all! And, THAT is a God thing!I want to say "THANK YOU!" to my parents! They paid for most of my stay at Brookhaven, helped Mark with the kids and NEVER gave up on me! And my other parents, Dr. Bruce and Auburn Romoser! Thank you for coming to Tulsa for that month to help Mark!And to my brothers, Matt and Tim......I love you! We are so blessed to be a part of South Tulsa Baptist Church! We ALL never want to miss! Ted and Jerri Kersh, Brian and Candace Baldwin, Phillip and MaryAnn Stephens, Denise Eldridge, Dan and Janna Allen.....and on and on! THANK YOU! Kurt and Cindy Young...words could never tell..... Sean and Carol Sommer.....God is SO good! So, so many! As this new year begins, the door has opened for me to explore the opportunity to write about my tantalizing, provocative, secretive, painful, grace filled, merciful, beautiful, and hope filled journey! ( These words were carefully selected in hopes that when it does come to fruition....you will go buy it!) Joking aside, I want you my "friends" to hear this: Stay far away from "malicious gossip" and never take the pill of bitterness. They are never good at any time! In James 3:5-13 "A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything--or destroy it! With our tongues we bless God our Father: with the same tongues we curse the very men and women He made in His image.......Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings....The Message. And: Hebrews 12:15 "Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent." The Message. There are two GREAT books that have helped me this past year: "messy faith" by A. J. Gregory and "The Last Addiction" by Sharon Hersh. They are "must reads" no matter what your "story" is! I am reading Gregory' "Silent Savior" presently! I pray blessings to you ALL! God bless, Kari



This "Note" was written December 31, 2009. It changes the date when I edit...:-)

 

 

Steve Camp, Onions, Ted's Blog and Tylenol PM!

by Kari Romoser on Saturday, July 24, 2010 at 10:22am

Okay! So, I have this love/hate relationship with my brain at night! While Mark can hit the pillow and pass out, I cannot. According to my parents, this has always been a problem. But, last night things were extraordinarily busy in my lil' thinker! At first, I kept hearing Steve Camp's, "Stranger To His Holiness"; 


"Oh, God why is your peace so hard to find? And, the answers, to the questions, that haunt my mind.Oh, Lord, your ways are not like mine. And it pounds like thunder within my chest, all the anger, of my humanness. And, though I call you Lord, I must confess, I'm a stranger to your holiness, a stranger to your holiness.....Can we really be, what we were meant to be? Jesus' people. Living by the Spirit, and living free. My heart longs to serve, but wanders so aimlessly. Oh, Lord, you deserve, every part of me...Hear my cry of desperation, as I see the wickedness of my ways. You alone are my salvation. And, Lord, I've learned this one thing to be true, is that the closer I get to you, I see I'm a stranger...to your holiness..."


Ohhh, I love this song! But, back to my "story"....After, listening to these lyrics in my mind, I quickly moved on to my beloved "onion analogy"! You know the one, that as Believers we are peeling back the layer (sin, strongholds, weakness..), only to discover that there are many more layers to peel! Tears included! And, I then I thought about what has already been "peeled". What is currently "peeling'! And what could possibly be next! Whew! 


Well, I really tried to go to sleep after that one, but then my Pastor's most recent blog came to my mind! Oh boy! It was about being an "Intentional Believer". So, off my mind went, thinking of how many years that I wasted. And, how much that God has done in my life, in my family's life. And, He continues to do...how I was a "haphazard" believer. But, grateful that the "scales" have fallen, and now I am an, "Intentional Believer". Praying like crazy. Fully cognizant of my own sin. My shortcomings and weaknesses. Tender to every notion of what He did for me on the cross! ...............


And, then I looked at the clock as it read 1:59 am! So, I just reconciled that my mind was way too busy for me, and I enlisted the help of Tylenol PM!


I would like to say, thank you to anyone that took the time to read this. When I got on FB last September, I was nervous at the prospect of "opening" this "Pandora's Box" of sorts! I had isolated from family and friends off and on for almost 10 years. Thank you to those that have accepted my "friend" requests and to those that have "friended" me! I have chosen, this year, to use my FB page for "net-working" my story of faith, recovery and redemption. My prayer is that if only one hears something that they need, from this crazy life that I have lived...then it is worth it! 


I feel compelled to say again, I am not perfect. Transparency works for me. It keeps me humble, teachable and accountable. I pray that it is not off-putting. But, I lost too many years, to live in fear of what people think. Two and a half years ago, I tried to end my life three different times. I wake up every morning and see a bullet hole in my wall to remind me. This is truly, NOT to be shocking or dramatic (as we all know that I can be!). But, to show me what I have been delivered from. And, where I never want to be again! I wake up with a knowing that Satan clearly had it out for me. He still does. Trust me.... Because of the clear visual that I can see each day, (my children cannot see it) I operate in a totally different realm of prayer now. But, I can honestly say that I have NEVER wanted to live more! I go to church. Pray. Sing. Laugh.....as if my life depends on it. Because,...well,....my life depends on it! 


Look around you. Seek out those that may be hurting. Struggling. With the opportunities that I have had this last year to tell my "story", I know that they are all around you. 


I love you all dearly!
Kari

Great Expectations, With Great Intentions!

by Kari Romoser on Tuesday, October 5, 2010 at 4:31

 

Not too long ago, someone mentioned that FB has the potential for raising up a generation of narcissists. While I completely agree, I submit that anything can contribute to an overinflated view of one's self. Yet, all I kept hearing in my mind, was something my friend Karen wrote, on a previous note of mine; "To know and be known is a fundamental human desire, yet very few are willing to be known."  Some people choose to write about their goals in having the perfect body, while others write about the delicious meal they are preparing for their family. Some share what is going on in their children's (or pets!) lives. Jobs, prayer requests, dating, not dating... The truth is, we could easily judge what someone's reasons for "posting" are. ( Some people are really good at that!)  But, why? I find human nature intriguing. And, the human condition fascinates me!  Karen is right. A lot of people just want to be heard. Sure, there are those that are totally full of themselves.  I have seen a few. But really, only a few. What I do see, choose to see, is a large number of people hurting, loving, growing, failing and overcoming....I CHOOSE to see that.  

 

       Why am I writing this? Well, I have been in such a process, this past year, of taking off any "mask" that I might have worn. Laying down my own agenda. Blessing those that curse me. Loving the lost.  Bestowing kindness in the face of adversity. Choosing forgiveness. Taking a HUGE leap of faith by being SO transparent. Cutting pride and arrogance right at the knee, and not judging it on others. (Well........ trying really hard!). I want to help the hurting, like I needed to be helped. Heard. I LOVE people. I always have. I do not see that ever changing. 

 

Because of  allowing my life to be an open book; I cannot even begin to tell you the doors that God has opened for me. To be used for His glory! The enemy hates that. Trust me. You would not believe the things he has done to our family! He tries to steal my joy, daily. But, he will never have me again.

 

When (you) "inbox" me, I  pray. And, always with permission, Mark too. I am completely aware that because of the prayers of many, I am alive today. Of this, I will never stop boasting! Never. 

 

So, to the "naysayers". I suggest that you look inward, close FB, or "block" (me). Cause, "I will not be silent anymore!". (Great song!)

 

Just so you know, no one "naysayed" me! (Yes, that is NOT a word!. But, I just liked the way it sounded!)  I have loved this medium of communication. I was dormant for the larger part of 10 years! A lot of you know it to be true! For me, it has been strangely therapeutic. A wonderful way for me to communicate with the nearly 100 family members that we have on here; as to what is going on in our lives. After all, they prayed for it! It is, for me, a precious device to share my faith. And, to encourage the discouraged!

 

I really do have great expectations, with what I know are great intentions!

 

Be healed! Be blessed!

 

Choose Positivity. Lose negativity.Sarcasm hurts. Tenderness heals.

 

Not really sure if any of you needed this.Probably those that do,............ blocked me! ;-)

 

I love you ALL!

Remember the Cross, Kari 

 

A Woman Named Rochelle - By Kari Romoser

Warning! What you are about to read contains some shocking information! But, in the end, a woman by the name of Rochelle Benton, allows herself to be used in the most supernatural of ways. I realize that by "opening" this door, the enemy will come after me...........I say, bring it!    
          I returned home in the Summer of '08, from nearly four months at a treatment center, out of state. My family had done an intervention and sent me there. I had made three attempts on my life. Two overdoses. And, I tried to shoot myself once. (the gun misfired through my wall, as I turned it towards my head.) On the last overdose I took over 180 pills. Most were narcotics. I had been stockpiling them for months.  My family was told that it is a miracle that I survived.  I went to Brookhaven Retreat for Women in Sevierville, Tennesee.  I will write more about my stay there, another time... I left there full of information on recovery, relapse prevention, life skills and lots of great "tools".....but, I was still "lost as a goose"! As, I've mentioned in previous "notes", I had turned away from God years earlier. I was bitter, angry and confused. I knew deep down that I needed to turn back to Him. But, I found myself going back into those thoughts of despair. And, what made that even worse, was knowing that between my parents, Mark, and my brother, Matt, over $100,000 had been spent to "fix me". I was not "fixed". It depressed me that they had to spend that kind of money on me! The truth is, that I spent June-Oct. of 2008 plotting on how I could make it work the fourth time. I will not go into the details of this plan. But, trust me, it would have worked. But, while these persistent and demonic thoughts were trying to get me to  end my life, I was making myself go to church again. I started going back to church in late August. I really was just "going through the motions". I would go, then come home and crawl back in bed. Over and over. I did reach out to a few people. (Thank you, Lisa, Karen, Jerri, Denise, Lorie) I would just offer little tid bits of myself and my struggle. But, no one would have known that I had a "plan". Well,..... my momma knew things were not right...   
          In the years that I struggled with the deepest of depressions and my love for chemical "cures", I totally let my home go....chaos and clutter abounded. While at Brookhaven, my mom hired a firm to get it back in shape. (Please anyone from my earlier days, I would appreciate affirmations on how nice my homes always looked previous to my near demise! Please!) But, when I returned, I rarely did a thing. So, as my sweet momma, watched me slowly revert back into that seeming darkness, she did something. She called a housekeeper. A woman by the name of, Rochelle Benton.

         I knew for days to expect her. You have to understand, friends, I DID NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING! Period. I had a plan. A very serious and well thought out plan.  I was just waiting for "the perfect storm" to burst open. To allow me a reason to do it. Like, a fight with Mark. Or, a hurt feeling. Anything! I was on the couch that morning. October 24, 2008. It is really hard to convey to you how angry I was; that my mom was sending this stranger to my home, to clean it. If you see her. Ask her. I was mad! I did not like myself. So, I did not like Mark. And, I did not like my kids. So why care about my house! Let me stop here and explain something. If you have never gone through a darkness like this, then it will be hard to understand how I could say that about my own children. But, I hated myself. Despised me. It is hard to love anyone when you are in that place. 

        The doorbell rang, and there stood Rochelle.. She was nice to me. I was not nice to her. I allowed her in, only to walk straight into my living room and crawl back on the couch. She stood there as I told her to do whatever she wanted to. My mom was paying her, not me. So, she left me and headed for the kitchen. Moments later she hollered at me, wondering where my cleaning supplies were. What a joke, I thought! I yelled back that I had no idea, but she had permission to look anywhere that she wanted too. She continued to ask different questions. One time she came right up to me as I laid under the covers on my couch. I yelled at her. I told her that I was sick of my life and that I did not even want her there. Moments later she called from the kitchen, "Where is your vegetable oil?". What!!? Seriously! "I have no idea!!!!"  ( I was thinking what crazy woman have I allowed into my home! Maybe, she will kill me and it will all be over!) Nope.....all Rochelle had in her was "Life". She was on a "mission". She had no idea, what was ahead of her, as she drove to a job that day. But, because she knew the Source for her life, she was empowered to be a part of helping give "life" back to me.

        I laid there burrowed on my couch. And, suddenly I felt something wet across my forehead. Before I could become enraged, Rochelle began praying out loud. Quietly, at first. But, with a disarming power. She had anointed my head with oil and began to pray  over me. This woman did not know me, yet she prayed as if she had read my entire life story. She prayed like I have never experienced before. What seemed like hours and hours, was for about 45 minutes. She would pray and then sing. She moved through my home praying over my families pictures. Praying for my home to be rid of this demonic oppression that had held me captive. She sang some more. Prayed and prayed and prayed. All the while, I was breaking a part. Being broken open. Spilling. It was almost immediate from when she touched my head. I was being set free from this twisted, selfish imagining that my life was worthless. And that my family would be better off without me. It WAS supernatural. By the end of the day, Rochelle and I cleaned my home, side by side. 

         I have not seen Rochelle since that day. You may think that odd. But, while I had the thoughts of suicide bound off of me that day, I still had a lot of work in front of me. It would take months for "light" to begin shining.  I had allowed so much sin in my life. I lived in rebellion for so long. I was just  starting my journey back "home".  Rochelle was a vessel. An anointed vessel, sent to me from God. An angel of sorts, I believe. If we are believers, striving for righteousness, to be right with Him; we are all anointed. Equipped to serve. We just need to be willing and able. Rochelle acted in obedience and ministered to me. Someone that she did not know. Someone that was not treating her nice, at all. Yet, she loved me. She loved me because she loved God. I have tried to find her. I think that she has moved. But, I will never forget her. God used a woman named, Rochelle.......

         Who has been a "Rochelle" to you? Have you demonstrated your anointing? Made a concerted effort to be a minister to those that are in need? Do you need someone to reach out to you?  Reach out if you are in need. Big or small. My God is full of grace. He loves you with a passion.  Touch someones "forehead" and pray. Be available. Be ready. You do not have to be glamorous or eloquent or "popular".  Rochelle just did as she knew God would have her do....She was just obedient.

         I have recently been hurt by someone. The "old" me would have been consumed with anger and confusion. Doing unto them, as they have done unto me. The "new" me just prays. Choosing to esteem them as "better than me"....(Rubbing the blue stone. A tool that my Pastor gave us!) Treating them, as I hope to be treated. It is actually pretty easy.  I am loving, laughing at the enemies antics. Taking up an offense, judging, gossiping, envy and worry are all dead ends. Trust me. It is a lose, lose situation. It is only, Christ in me, that allows this to happen. 

        Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for Rochelle Benton. Bless her and protect her. Thank you for loving me. For giving me Life! For my amazing husband, Mark. Thank you, for my wonderful children, Jake, Zach, Luke and Lexi. For my precious parents, Momma Sue and Poppa Don. Bless them. Love, Kari 

Blessings to you ALL!
GISG! God is SO good!
Kari

PTL! I found Rochelle! Having lunch soon! Pictures and post to follow!